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Video call yesterday with this great human being & management consultant, John Lenhart from Flowcess.​

Twenty-five years coaching executives. Bookshelves that made me jealous. (zoom in and see!)

I'm telling him about my new role at Cobblestone Energy - in-house executive coach, working directly with the CEO.

He drops this:

"Half your job is managing up."

I stopped.

Half my job is what now?

Spent my twenties reading philosophy, studying consciousness, diving deep into systems thinking.

Few ever mentioned that managing the people above you matters as much as managing the people below you.

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Three gems from our convo on working with leaders

1. CEOs live in psychological isolation

John told me something I hadn't considered:

"CEOs start feeling like nobody listens."

Everyone wants something from them. Everyone has an agenda. Everyone is performing.

Result? They get trigger-happy. Quick decisions. Impatient reactions.

Not because they're bad leaders.

Because they're surrounded by people trying to impress them instead of understand them.

2. Count to three before you respond

That's it. Three seconds.

When everyone else jumps to answer, your pause signals something different.

You're not performing.

You're processing.

I used to be the opposite. Jump in with solutions before fully understanding the problem. (Probably why I struggled in academic settings.)

Three seconds feels like forever in a meeting.

Do it anyway.

3. Bring paper to meetings

Physical paper. Actual pen.

Start writing when people talk.

"What are you doing?"

"Making sure I understand exactly what you said."

Two things happen:

You slow everyone down. No more rushed decisions that get "forgotten" later.

Executives realize they can't claim they "never said that."

I learned this lesson the hard way during my PhD program. Too many important conversations became "he said, she said" disasters later.

The person with the pen controls the record.

The person with the record controls what actually happens.

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Why this matters

Your boss isn't just evaluating your output.

They're evaluating whether you make their job easier or harder.

Do you make them feel heard?

Or are you another person performing for their attention?

Most career advice focuses on competence. Do good work. Hit your numbers. Be reliable.

That's table stakes.

The real game is understanding the unconscious dynamics driving every workplace interaction.

After 10+years studying consciousness, I'm realizing psychology trumps strategy every time.

People need to feel heard before they'll listen.

Leaders need to feel understood before they'll trust you with bigger decisions.

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The question that changes everything

Next time you're in a meeting with your boss:

"Am I responding or reacting?"

Responding means you heard what they said and you're processing it.

Reacting means you're trying to prove how smart you are.

Your job is making the people around you better at their jobs.

Even the people above you.

Especially the people above you.

Ten hours into my new role and I'm already realizing everything I thought I knew about leadership needs updating.

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The woowoo-ish approach from my twenties got me thinking about consciousness.

But this practical stuff? This changes how work actually works.

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with all my love,
Khuyen

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P.S. - What's the most counterintuitive management advice you've ever received? Hit reply, I read everything.

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