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Hola people,

Hope you are well. Lots of updates. Spain was PHENOMENAL with my Sandbox community.

Dubai is hot AF.

Will tell you more, but here is today's learning:

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Sitting across lunch from an Italian team leader today. A really great guy.

Done very well for himself.

Really cares about growing his team.

But he’s been bugged by this situation for months.

Got this young junior on his team who works his ass off. Who dreams of becoming a trader.

The manager sees potential in him.

Also sees the gap.

Young junior thinks he’s 6 months away from trading. Manager knows it’s more like 3 years. Maybe longer.

(Maybe never. Trading requires a specific kind of attitude. Aggressive. Go-getter. Hunt for it. Kill it. Willing to do whatever it takes.)

Manager’s been avoiding the conversation.

Doesn’t want to crush the young junior’s dreams. Doesn’t want him to quit because he does solid work where he is.

But every day this misalignment grows bigger.

Young junior pushes for trading opportunities. Manager deflects.

Young junior gets frustrated. Manager feels guilty.

The young junior sees himself as a future trader. The manager sees him as something else entirely.

The energy gets intense. I know this very well, in a slightly different context.

Just a month ago, actually, I got friendzoned by someone I really liked.

I tried that for a month, and gave up.

It was very difficult for me to walk away.

Still hurts, but was it better to move on? Yes.

Everybody’s motivated by a desire for a certain future. The more energy you put into that desire, the stronger it becomes.

AND

Often you have to let it go because otherwise it becomes suffering for you 😟

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Knowing that, I asked him:

“Ever been friendzoned?”

He was surprised.

“Yeah. High school. This girl I really liked.”

“What happened?”

“I wanted to be her boyfriend. She wanted to be just friends.

It hurt, but eventually I stopped trying. Wasn’t going where I needed it to go.”

“Good for both of you?”

“Yeah. Better for both of us, actually.”

Silence.

Then he got it.

Management is sometimes just professional friendzoning.

The young junior wants to be the boyfriend (trader).

You can only offer friendship (current role).

You’ve been avoiding that conversation because you care about him.

But avoiding it makes everything worse.

(But actually, you might just be enjoying the fact that he worked hard for you.

similar to how the lady wants you to be a friend because she still gets a lot of value of you being around)

The young junior stays HOPEFUL about where he is going.

You stay stressed managing impossible expectations.

The reality gap keeps growing.

When someone wants more than you can give them, clarity is kindness.

Even when it stings.

(Especially when it stings…)

That manager walked out knowing exactly what conversation he needs to have.

Will it hurt the young junior? Yeah.

Will it help him? Absolutely.

Because right now he’s chasing something that might not be available to him.

And that’s no way to build a career.

The young junior deserves to know where he actually stands.

Not where he hopes to stand.

Not where the manager wishes he could stand.

Where he stands today.

Then he can decide what to do with that information.

Stay and build different skills.

Leave and chase trading elsewhere.

Accept reality and find meaning in what he can actually do well.

But he can’t make any real decision without real information.

with all my love,

Khuyen

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Ps: how are you all doing at work? I’m learning a lo

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