I try to make people talk about feeling at work, and here is what I am learning…

(cringe warning)

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As the People & Culture role, I’m the guy who is trying to create more appreciation culture at work.

Among a bunch of people (mostly highly intelligent men) who don’t express their good feelings.

Things like

“When you responded to my travel crisis at 11pm, I feel so cared for.

“When you spent so much time walking me through the entire database on day 1, I feel so supported.

(caveat: this is not about performing emotions, but actually noticing and acknowledging the people who impacts you every day.

I learned that from two Adult Development giants Robert Kegan & Lisa Lahey, who specified that an acknowledgment has to be 1. specific 2. direct and 3. not-make-it-about-them-but-about-how-it-impacted-you because that’s one important way you show people that they matter at work read more Zach Mercurio, Ph.D. )

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Every time I stand up to acknowledge someone, my body screams

“Too cringe, don’t do this!”

The freeze response. “Let’s just not bother.”

That’s cringe.

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Cringe is rooted in one primal fear: social disapproval.

It’s the comedian telling a joke to silence.

The colleague sharing a vulnerable truth to blank stares.

(about your feelings.

BRO, WHO TALKS ABOUT FEELINGS AT WORK !?)

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I am learning that

cringe is actually a compass.

It points directly toward what matters most to you.

You only feel cringe when you’re doing something you believe is important.

Something you have conviction about.

Something worth the risk.

The things that don’t matter to you?

No cringe. Just indifference.

(duh.. but worth repeating)

Here’s the real superpower part:

When you do something that looks bad but you do it anyway,

you show everyone else it’s possible.

Your willingness to be imperfect gives others permission to try.

Your visible cringy-worthy struggle makes their invisible struggle feel normal.

(men talking about feeling for each other? Cringe afffff

and that’s okay)

I am learning to reframe cringe entirely:

I do something so badly that other people look at it and think “we can do better than that.”

Perfect.

I don’t need to do it well.

I just need to do it and show it.

To get it out there so others feel encouraged to do the same..

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Sometimes it feels like the real work is “lending out emotional awareness and courage”

it’s not for everyone, and i know it is important

to humanize the workplace

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How do you embrace cringe or not in showing your acknowledgment of others? Curious to hear.

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i write about making a thriving workplace culture thru more energizing, human interactions. follow for more.

ps: photo of actually cringing eating a very sour mango :P

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