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Hello everyone,

Happy September,

Hope you are well wherever you are. Here in Dubai is getting slightly less hot.

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Speaking of hot topic, have something to share today.

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You know how growth mindset people like us often say, "Everything has something for you to learn from?"

I thought about that nice-sounding quote, and it turns out to be not what most of us think.

Here's a bit of a story.

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I used to work with somebody who was so driven by his goals that he almost didn't care about anybody else.

I found myself not wanting to be around this person.

Something about his complete self-focus repelled me.

But I realized - this person was bringing out a part of me that I didn't really like. The part that is considered “selfish”.

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To know what you want and to go after it is not selfish,

it is integrity.

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And I needed to work on accepting it because then I could understand his motivation.

The people who trigger us are usually our best teachers

When someone at work makes you feel resentment, resistance, or that urge to just avoid them - that's valuable information.

Instead of avoiding them, lean into asking yourself: "What does that bring up in me?"

"Why am I scared?"

"What is this resistance about?"

I think the practice of naming your feelings is essential.

Try this next time someone triggers you

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Instead of suffering in silence or complaining to others, try saying this:
​"I just noticed I feel a little bit repelled by what you're saying,

so I'm just wondering what's happening."

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or even “I don’t know what about me that I am repelled by you”

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99% of the time people appreciate the honesty.

They respond with openness.

It creates a more collaborative working relationship and closer connection.

(My friend said "erm, I don't even know you felt that way, thanks for telling me"
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What I learned about that goal-driven colleague:

His single-minded focus wasn't actually selfish.

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He genuinely believed that achieving the goal was good for everyone.

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Like “What’s good for me is also good for the world, if I don’t actively harm anyone”

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My resistance to his approach was really about my own conflict with ambition.

Part of me wanted that level of focus but felt guilty about it.

Part of me judged people who prioritized results over relationships.

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But naming those feelings out loud?

It helped us understand each other.

It helped me understand myself.

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Working with people requires this kind of curiosity.

Curiosity about your own reactions.

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When someone triggers you, get curious instead of avoidant.

Ask yourself what they're bringing out in you.

Name the feeling, even out loud to them.

Most of the time, this creates connection instead of conflict.

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The people who make you most uncomfortable are often reflecting something you need to see about yourself.

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With all my love,
Khuyen

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ps: do write back , id love to hear from you.

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